Don't Just Stand There

Debbie Kievits helps kids break the silence on bullying 

Most anti-bullying programs address the bullies or the bullied. Debbie Kievits of Norwich is focusing on the most numerous and influential participants in this sad scene, played out daily in so many schools and homes — the bystanders.

Kievits is a volunteer coordinator and one of the founders of the Norwich-based group Bully Busters. Counting herself and her now-adult son as former victims of bullying, Kievits said several events prompted her to join forces with a group of concerned parents about 10 years ago. One was frustration caused by the lack of assistance she said she received from school administrators while her own son was being bullied in middle school. Another was an incident at Kelly Middle School that resulted in a young girl being severely injured.

"A group of us parents got together and said, 'We need to put something together and try to see what we can do.' It started around a kitchen table," she said.

The grassroots group assembled some local forums and activities, and applied for a mini-grant through Connecticut Assets in Wethersfield, which awarded them $800. "From that grant, the official Bully Busters campaign came about," Kievits explained. "A group of kids worked on a project to create a pledge to speak out against bullying, and handed out bracelets to recruit other participants."

To this day, Bully Busters is a free program, run by volunteers like Kievits (her co-coordinator is Lori Baptiste) who work with local children, school officials, agency staff and others. "I'm just one of many who do this," Kievits pointed out.

How it happens

Bullying is a complicated issue with powerful forces at work both fueling it and preventing its easy eradication. Kievits believes people bully others for a myriad of reasons that can be tough to draw out and address

"Usually the bully is looking for attention, or they've been bullied themselves either at home or by other kids," Kievits explained. "Sometimes it's sibling rivalry — his older brother picked on him so when he goes to school, it's his chance to pick on someone younger. A lot of it they get from the TV. They see shows like Judge Judy and say, 'She calls people a moron, so why can't I?' Sometimes, they just want to be mean. We need to teach kids to take the initiative, in school and at home, to invoke the Golden Rule — treat others how you want to be treated," she explained.

"Our focus over the years has been working on the bystanders, getting them to speak up — because we know if the bully has an audience giving them the attention they're seeking, they'll continue to bully."